| let me know what you think. First one in a long time |
[10 Oct 2009|12:17pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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A melodic flash of patriotism weaves in an out of a horizon clouded with Los Angeles. It moans, “make way!” and the impromptu robot rooster awakes the common gentry One more to go. One more left. Saturday has almost arrived. Breakfast is already here. Anyway, the days break like eggs cracked on concrete, spilling over into the weeds trying to branch out in between. Hens and all, their heads bleeding on some other square and their torsos, all twitching, but almost coherently in misdirection There are just too many metaphors – cock ring dreams- the seeds swimming toward this glorious three ring circus, fertile with nutrition; The milk of a tit sucking aneurysm. so brilliant. So talented. but when did it begin to extend into the loins of god, himself? a thread into bristled rope into the favored noose. The best choice possible. In it hangs the necks of forefathers forgetten holding an aged paper flag in lacerated wrists bleeding, a " forgive me" bleeding, a "it was wasn't supposed to be.." bleeding, "like this ".
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[14 Sep 2009|03:37pm] |
When all hope fails, write in your livejournal.
Listen guys, I've come such a long way in such a short period of time. I like to consider myself fairly fortunate, given the circumstances my cerebral cortex should be in flames and I should be relearning to tie my shoes. Okay, so it wasn't that intense, but it was in grotesquely large quantities and I feel lucky to be as cognizant of my surroundings as I am.
I'm ready to leave this wretched house! I really am! TRULY. It's becoming far more of a chore than a privalege, and far more of a hurdle than it is of assistance in sobriety and stability. I'm one of two with a job, and the only student, and to be frank, they can give a shit what i have going on outside of sober living. I have to leave to study because of the incessant cacophonies that emenate from every which room. Sleeping is a challenge, and I'm lucky to accumulate a few hours a night. This is with a job and full time school and meetings and a meager social life.
I'm stressed! I'm exhausted! I am so over worked, and it's not Starbucks or school.
Dad, please give me another chance inside your home. Please.
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[11 Sep 2009|08:01pm] |
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I just want my life back.
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[10 Sep 2009|04:24pm] |
In footprints, the foliage speaks louder than words.
An acrid allusion to something pretty
and something better as if it were
A golden age of endless fantasia,
an eclipse of celestial gods that roam the skies like giants on the temples of mine
singing ancient sagas
of great floods
I'm ready.
Show me your worth
and show me I'm more than lost -
I'm oblivious.
Show me I'm more than lost.
-I'm no where to be found.
I'm no where to be found and I can see you from every angle.
Standing there,
shallow and ageless.
And you allow me the privilege.
ambitious amphibious
Walk on water and spread oceans like you spread your legs
curves into the landless.
Bring me to your aquarium and let me swim in swollen tongues
vine into branches and strangle the last desperate breath
for something better.
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[31 Aug 2009|08:29am] |
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mood |
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 It's so hot out. |
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Today I start the semester and begin my new job at Starbucks. Sweet.
I'm half-expecting to be denied entry to an English class on the only time that would be convenient for me; the budget crisis in California has swept a majority of options out the window, and classes have been filling past it's rim as soon as they open for registration. This means add slips are scarecly given out, and I decided to register far too late. Sooo, if English doesnt work out, I guess it will be History or some other bum fuck class. I would have liked to get 101 over and out with, and take a creative work shop in the spring. We'll see, I'm going to get on my friggin knees and beg (seriously, I'll do this).
My other two classes are Mickeys. Not that I don't need their credits, but yoga and electronic music are hardly academic. It's going to be a fun semester.
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[25 Aug 2009|08:51am] |
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Come next week, my life will go from relaxing to hectic nearly over night.
I'm pretty sure my potential suitor has been making up any excuses she can to not see me these past few days. Why, i don't know. I don't really care. Like I said, my life is going to get busy and FAST and I don't have time to chase after girls - not girls who play silly games, or aren't as interested in persuing a relationship as I am, anyway. I was heartbroken for all but a few hours yesterday. Wait, bad descriptor. More so, an incessant pang in the pit of my stomache area - the familiar hurt of not knowing and a haunting stream of all the negative posibilities. Yes, you know the one. But that's okay and IT's okay. Whatever happens, I know, will be for the better.
As I said before, I might have time now-now, but in just a few more days, I'll be bizzybizzy
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[23 Aug 2009|01:15pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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The Unicorns - Tuff Ghost |
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Despite my lapses in self terrorism, I am still super awesome. All the time. Yah.
My next move is to recapture and utilize my self proclaimed talents. Ya know, like, hobbies. Recently music has eluded me. Like water under a bridge, I watch ideas and quick moments of inspritation roll right under me. I let them pass. Too lazy, I guess. Really, I have no excuse. I have the means, and certainly the time and the stints of inspiration, but motivation is key, and I have little of that.
I'm otherwise most satisfied with my current position. I've made somewhat of a life for myself again, and I feel that, although I'm not sure of my goal, I've some sort of direction again. Again, I begin a semester at Pierce College this Fall, and if all goes well, I'll be out of that wretched school by summer.
I'm more self realized than I ever thought I'd be, and as a result of made several close friends, including a girl I've just begun to date. I know, me? Relationship? Really? I think so.
I think i got hired at a Starbucks. Sweet deal. Benefits. Holler. Right. Bye!
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[23 Jun 2009|06:10pm] |
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No direction.
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[31 Mar 2009|11:56am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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vitalic - repair machines |
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oh hai livejournal!
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[10 Feb 2009|09:16am] |
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mood |
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awesome |
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feelin' good
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[09 Feb 2009|12:23pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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On a scale of 1-10...
Should I get my hair cut?
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| FUCK |
[08 Feb 2009|11:04am] |
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I start school TOMORROW. I literally just finished my last semester on Thursday, and now I have to start ANOTHER one TOMORROW.
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[07 Feb 2009|05:13pm] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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I just finished playing my first entire ballad on the piano. That is, my first real song that wasn't downsized in someway.
To top it off, it was Frederich Chopin's classic Prelude in E minor. If you haven't heard, you should give it a listen. If you think metal is brutal, listen to that classical song. Now that's heartbreaking for you.
I had a really intense conversation with a very intense person last night. I'll blog it later, but for now let me just tell you that my approach to my life is more tacit, calm and purposeful than it was before the conversation.
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| Read and comment (freewrite) |
[06 Feb 2009|11:46am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Lines
Fantastic lines that fashion landscapes into bedrooms.
We're all standing on top of the shoulders of my brothers and sisters -
one endless seam of fabrics that never touch,
but are forever crossed in a maze of hand-me-downs
- but we're all at the top, gleaming at the same infinity, from the same angle,motioning towards the white backdrop.
"Go further, go further".
We're each on top andf for the first time we're all seeing the same thing.
You can't be alone if we're all holding hands
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[04 Feb 2009|06:20am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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"A few nights ago, I was accosted by a dismembering series of reality shifts, cutting through the very fabric of my being -who I was and what was I doing and how does this differ from what I believed I was doing and...blah blah blah, similar abstract thought patterns I'd welcome under a psychadelic. This was a little more intense, however, as I hadn't taken anything and I wasn't up for a mental cartharsis of any sort. "
^ wtf was that about? I'm just not feeling myself lately. I haven't worked out in almost 5 days, and it's starting to ware on my psyche. Whether related or not, I'm starting to mofo crave for some IV cocaine. Seriously, the taste won't get out of my mouth, and I even found myself asking random mexicans at work if they have hooks.
Then I stopped myself. That was stupid. I'm not going back; That day, in particular, was not good and my actions clearly reflected that.
I'm starting work as a freelance writer again to put some extra cash in my pocket.
Tomorrow is algebra final. If I pass for a C, I'm fucking celebrating. This was an awful, awful semester.
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[06 Jan 2009|01:13pm] |
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FINALLY someone hit MY car and damaged MY car with no damage to THEIR car and it was THEIR fault. YEs!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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| Nothing special |
[30 Dec 2008|12:30pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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In desperate hunts for buried treasure,
I constantly find myself
deep in the burrows and caverns awaiting a perfect destiny,
The radio signals shouted from ahead
bury themselves deep in electric currents;
spurts and speckles, relentless
I can feel my way through, crawling through breathing walls of ribcaged barriers
filled with the grotesque stench of my insides
carried away in God's carriage
And no amount of drugs can possibly tear it-
not mine;
the impermeable boundary that discerns mine from your's-
his from hers.
Youthful tales of the days of yore
elucidated the inexplicable in a pictoral mess of
adventures and chilvary-
realistically ignored by most
and the few, you and I,
it runs through our blood like pine needles
tearing through the surface
every now and then.
We know it, but we can't share it,
carried in our foreheads like dusty trophies;
cobwebbed mansions.
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[29 Dec 2008|09:15am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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None |
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This weekend was supposed to be amazing, pure, blissful and all those other adjectives that make a night magical. It was pleasurable, and at times, exciting, but I felt like I was missing something; I didn't have fun, I just felt awesome, and only the superficial euphoric mess that is readily available in pills. After the flood of seritonin passed all synaptic boundaries, my heart, ,mind and body felt a guilt I am all but accustomed to. Never have I been burdened with a come down as miserable as, let's say, cocaine. Maybe it's my exercise regiment, or my diet, but my come downs are always gradual enough not to be entirely noticed. It's not a depression, but a deep contemplation of my life, my morals and my desires. Do I desire this? To look forward to a psychadelic disaster? I'm not sure.
A given: Raving is something I enjoy - it's liberating, intense and surreal, but is only truly enjoyable abstemiously; definitely less than the monthly routine I was considering (and to an extent, doing).
Take away the drugs, and there is still something that raving is hitting that daily life is missing. Obviously, there are plenty of things raving is missing that life is hitting, alas, this thing - whatever it is - is desirable and deserving of a chase.
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[23 Dec 2008|07:59am] |
I just finished American Psycho and ugh, how gruesome that novel was. One of the few I had to regularly put down because of the endless uncensored violence and rape that seemed to be the cornerstone of the book.
Just a reminder to myself for when I DO hit the bookstore:
1) Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami.
Quoted from Wikipedia:
"The story is split between parallel narratives. The odd-numbered chapters take place in 'Hard-Boiled Wonderland', although the phrase is not used anywhere in the text, only in page headers. The narrator is a "Calcutec," a human data processor/encryption system who has been trained to use his subconscious as an encryption key. The Calcutecs work for the quasi-governmental System, as opposed to the criminal "Semiotecs" who work for the Factory and who are generally fallen Calcutecs. The relationship between the two groups is simple: the System protects data while the Semiotecs steal it, although it is suggested that one man might be behind both. The narrator completes an assignment for a mysterious scientist, who is exploring "sound reduction". He works in a laboratory hidden within an anachronistic version of Tokyo's sewer system. The even-numbered chapters deal with a newcomer to 'the End of the World', a strange, isolated walled Town depicted in the frontispiece map as being surrounded by forest. The narrator is in the process of being accepted into the Town. His shadow has been "cut off" and this shadow lives in the "shadow grounds" where he is not expected to survive the winter. Residents of the town are not allowed to have a shadow, and, it transpires, do not have a mind. Or is it only suppressed? The narrator is assigned quarters and a job as the current "dreamreader": a process intended to remove the traces of mind from the Town. He goes to the Library every evening where, assisted by the Librarian, he learns to read dreams from the skulls of unicorns. These "beasts" passively accept their role, sent out of the Town at night, to their enclosure where many die of cold during the winter."
I want to start reading classic literature, like Ulysses by James Joyce as well, but I'm afraid that I'll buy it, and get frusterated the innumerable alussions that are too past time for my comprehension and give up.
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[17 Dec 2008|07:52am] |
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mood |
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 :) |
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music |
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Olivia Tremor Control - paranormal echoes |
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Olivia Tremor Control's Black Foliage? fuck. So good. Can you say Nos-ta-lgia?
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takethaway's journal